my favorite quotes from fletch and fletch lives
“can i borrow your towel for a sec? my car just hit a water buffalo”
*jumps up* “i’m up!”
“i commend him on his choice.”
“80 dollars a portion? well then i better just take two portions of that”
"god i admire you."
"what kind of a name is poon?" "comanche indian"
“i’ll have a bloody mary, a steak sandwich, and …a steak sandwich.”
“how grey?” “charcoal.”
“ever seen a spleen that large?” “no, not since breakfast.”
“come on, frank, say yes, i’ll buy you some new deodorant.”
“you ordered it here?” “well, i knew this is where my mouth would be.”
“you ok?” “yeah, i feel like a hundred dollars.”
"you have the right to get your balls stomped by him!" “i’ll…waive my rights.”
“i really should change.” “no! i think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.”
“does this proposition entail my dressing up as little bo peep?” “it’s nothing of a sexual nature, i assure you.” “yeah, i assure you.”
“i wouldn’t know.” “no children?” “no elephant books.”
"the underhills? they already left, senor." “oh, they’ll be back. ted went out for his urinalysis.”
“you own rubber gloves?” “i rent ‘em. i have a lease with an option to buy.”
“why don’t you two go down to the gym and pump each other.”
“oh for god don don”
“muchas gracias.” “tierra del fuego!”
“go ahead. make my day.”
“it takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong. i am NOT a big man.”
“what happened to the lingerie?” “i ate it.” “can you ever be serious?” “no.”
“well somebody's bucking for a promotion. must be that pederast hanrahan.”
“it was good but not that good.”
“did she feel okay last night?” “she felt great to me.”
“why don’t we go lay on the bed and i’ll fill you in.”
“i borrowed your toothbrush. i would have used your razor but it looks like you’ve been doing some gardening with it.”
“i’ve been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat.”
“you know, you really shouldn’t wear so much eye makeup. it makes you look cheap.”
"sir, this is a secure area!" "well i'm very happy for you son, most people live in terrible neighborhoods!"
“the morgue proved to be a dead end. but i guess it is for most people.”
“i’m with the mattress police. there are no tags on these mattresses.”
“look, defenseless babies!”
"if you've got a thousand dollars in the bank, don't be afraid to send the whole thousand!"
“oh you’ve remodeled the garage. must have cost you hundreds.”
“i’m no lawyer, but i do believe that’s a violation of my rights.”
“you know, if you shoot me, you’re liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.”
"california thing!"
“for another grand, i’ll let you take me out to dinner.”
“he opens the door, *whack* there’s blood…”
“hey don’t talk to me like that, assface. i don’t work for you yet.”
“thank god. the police.”
“love your body, larry.”
“time to use the service entrance.”
“buenas dias.” “pup’n’taco!”
“it was really a shame. to go so suddenly like that.”
“i like men. i like to be manhandled. i like you.”
“that hurts. you’ve been hurting.”
“what can i do to you? i mean, for you?”
"why don't you go hug a cop? yeah, go ahead, i said it!"
“i can’t have my wages garnisheed.”
“i saw my pimp today. open your raincoat.”
"cash, check, or mastercaaaard!"
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